Have you ever lost yourself?
I mean truly lost yourself? Cant look in the mirror losing yourself.
I have. I wish I could say that this has only happened to me once, or twice. However, I am not a liar, and to be honest sometime I wonder if I have ever known who I was. It has gotten easier along the way, and somehow every time I fall apart, not only do I put the pieces back together, but I do so in a way that makes me feel more complete. Its horrific that I have had to hit some on my lowest points in order to achieve the most peaceful and blissful times in my life. Im 18, so that isn't saying much. :) But I have been through a lot. I don't act 18, I don't look 18, I don't feel 18. I feel so much older than my time...and quite often I am told that is the perception by many others. You would think that this would be GREAT...but it isn't.
One of the fundamental rights we have in life is our childhood and our adolescence. I had to grow up way too fast. What I am yearning for is what I lost during that jump. I want to make mistakes, and fall, and know that someone will watch over me and catch me- and care. Yet, I am 18. I am legally an adult. I have a checking account and debit cards and 25,000 dollar loans in my name. I don't get to be a child, or a teenager. I get to be an adult.
I am not saying that I don't have fun, or do stupid and childish things. I have an amazing group of friends who I am thankful for each day. They are the sole reason I get to experience an ounce of teenage freedom. I dance, and I party, go to the movies and go out to dinner. I have fun, and I love life. The next four years I plan to make the most of my college experiences...So what I am saying is, it isn't bad.
But there is something in me that I am looking for. I don't know if I will ever get that back. I am grateful everyday that I have been blessed with the intellect to guide myself through my lowest points and the support teams along the way that have helped me.
What I guess this post is really about... I am scared. I'm scared.
Who am I? Where am I going? How do I fix my problems from the past while moving on to an uncertain future? These are questions that I cant answer. If I could I wouldn't be venting on my blog.
Over the next year my hope is for that to change.
Welcome to College! I am taking you all along for the ride...( when I can remember to post, which I'm trying to figure out why I just keep going MIA on this blog...)
Lovingly Yours,
Taylor
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Saturday, July 14, 2012
Why i have grown to hate the MTA...
So it is 11:07 on a Saturday morning, and while I would love to be in my bed, I'm on my way to work. To add to this, I am always freaking out, about weather I will make it to work on time. Its a terrible cycle.
I wake up 3 hours before I need to get to work. It takes me and hour to get ready ( I have had to adjust my routine today to fit into a 20 minute time slot...fun) or less. I sometimes eat, and then I go and wait for the bus.
To get to work, I have to take the B3 to either the B36, Q or F trains...the N works, but that's sooo far out of the way. I live in a two fair zone. I have known this since I started taking trains and buses in 5th grade.
What I don't understand, would be, why the buses NEVER run on time? It feels as if the bus drivers just don't even care. I wait 30 minutes this morning for a bus. In that time period there should have been the 3 buses that were schedualed.
We have lives, and jobs....but we can't do those efficently because we can't depend on our mode of transportation.
I hate this!
Someone want to buy out the MTA, and run it for me? ...
I just want to get to work on time :(
Friday, July 13, 2012
Life as a LUNAtic: Unsensored -Week 1
Hey Beautiful People <3
Aww its been a tough week for me, and so to blow off some steam, I figured I would Blog It Out.
At the end of March I started working as a LUNAtic, I'm on the promotions team for Luna park. Its an amazing job. The first few weeks were challenging, but fun, and I had a team of girls who were a blast to work with. The original LUNA team consisted of Mary, Judy, Ally, Chelsea, and I. We were the "dream team" as Mary and I call it now. Our bosses, who will only be named as D and K, did an amazing job putting our team together. Every day, we looked forward to coming to work, and bounced ideas off of each other, inspired each other, and motivated each other. The time would fly, and I found myself wanting to work more and more hours.
As time went on, we lost some members of our team, Ally and Chelsea had to leave us unfortunately.
There were a couple weeks when Judy, Mary and I were on our own, and those weeks were hard for us. We wanted to have a full team again, but as the saying goes be careful what you wish for...
Even before we finalized the girls on our team, we had the addition of Chris.
Chris is a DIVA, spelled exactly like that, all capitals, no lowercase. He thinks that he is gods gift to women, its disgusting...and somehow, because I don't meet his "standards" and could care less about his opinions, I have become the object if his harassment.
I have seen my fair share of bully-ish behavior, and usually I can deal. I have had so much experience in this field, it is scary. Somehow, having this in a work environment, is just setting me off.
After weeks of dealing with his comments, gestures, laughing and pointing, I hit my limit....and had a mental break down.
Its hard when a group of three girls is doing the same amount of work that all six of us are supposed to be getting done. Its more then hard, its infuriating.
I will go into the fun parts of the week, and how my friendship with one of the girls(Vera) developed, but right now I'm just wondering how I'm going to make it through the summer...I'm just so depressed, Ive literally shut down, and I know how I get when I'm like this...I don't want to spend my summer upset.
D said he will take care of it....he is so great to us. Here's hoping I don't lose my mind.
( or whats left anyway...)
I guess we shall talk more in a little bit,
Stay Beautiful,
Tay
Aww its been a tough week for me, and so to blow off some steam, I figured I would Blog It Out.
At the end of March I started working as a LUNAtic, I'm on the promotions team for Luna park. Its an amazing job. The first few weeks were challenging, but fun, and I had a team of girls who were a blast to work with. The original LUNA team consisted of Mary, Judy, Ally, Chelsea, and I. We were the "dream team" as Mary and I call it now. Our bosses, who will only be named as D and K, did an amazing job putting our team together. Every day, we looked forward to coming to work, and bounced ideas off of each other, inspired each other, and motivated each other. The time would fly, and I found myself wanting to work more and more hours.
As time went on, we lost some members of our team, Ally and Chelsea had to leave us unfortunately.
There were a couple weeks when Judy, Mary and I were on our own, and those weeks were hard for us. We wanted to have a full team again, but as the saying goes be careful what you wish for...
Even before we finalized the girls on our team, we had the addition of Chris.
Chris is a DIVA, spelled exactly like that, all capitals, no lowercase. He thinks that he is gods gift to women, its disgusting...and somehow, because I don't meet his "standards" and could care less about his opinions, I have become the object if his harassment.
I have seen my fair share of bully-ish behavior, and usually I can deal. I have had so much experience in this field, it is scary. Somehow, having this in a work environment, is just setting me off.
After weeks of dealing with his comments, gestures, laughing and pointing, I hit my limit....and had a mental break down.
Its hard when a group of three girls is doing the same amount of work that all six of us are supposed to be getting done. Its more then hard, its infuriating.
I will go into the fun parts of the week, and how my friendship with one of the girls(Vera) developed, but right now I'm just wondering how I'm going to make it through the summer...I'm just so depressed, Ive literally shut down, and I know how I get when I'm like this...I don't want to spend my summer upset.
D said he will take care of it....he is so great to us. Here's hoping I don't lose my mind.
( or whats left anyway...)
I guess we shall talk more in a little bit,
Stay Beautiful,
Tay
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Summer 12: Im back and better then ever ;-)
Hey Guys!
I missed you all. So much has happened and slowly, but surely I will catch you up. I work at Luna Park in Coney Island, and I work about 40 hrs a week, so yes I haven't had time to blog...but I don't believe in excuses. I actually had no way to type some blogs, If you remember my Sidekick got taken away, then I took it back, and then my laptop was taken away, and i just got it back tonight! (thanks mommy!) I wont go deep into my personal life right now, ill break it up into smaller posts...I just want to say "YAYYY" I'm backkk...and no it is not a threat ;-) its a promise.
Coming up:
My Hair Care Routine...
Life in the day of a LUNAtic series....
Skin care, how my regimen has evolved in the last few months...
Twitter and Instagram Confessions...
Boy Confessions Series...
Passion Party Recap...
My sunglasses OBSESSION...
and so much more! <3
Hugs and Kisses,
Stay Freakishly Beautiful :)
Tay
I missed you all. So much has happened and slowly, but surely I will catch you up. I work at Luna Park in Coney Island, and I work about 40 hrs a week, so yes I haven't had time to blog...but I don't believe in excuses. I actually had no way to type some blogs, If you remember my Sidekick got taken away, then I took it back, and then my laptop was taken away, and i just got it back tonight! (thanks mommy!) I wont go deep into my personal life right now, ill break it up into smaller posts...I just want to say "YAYYY" I'm backkk...and no it is not a threat ;-) its a promise.
Coming up:
My Hair Care Routine...
Life in the day of a LUNAtic series....
Skin care, how my regimen has evolved in the last few months...
Twitter and Instagram Confessions...
Boy Confessions Series...
Passion Party Recap...
My sunglasses OBSESSION...
and so much more! <3
Hugs and Kisses,
Stay Freakishly Beautiful :)
Tay
Friday, April 20, 2012
Crazy night
Hey Beauties,
I have this thing I do, where I make things so much worse before it can get better. You want examples? We'll me cleaning my room works, or my relationships with guys, or my family, or school. Yah I just make life more complicated. Some things are out of my control, but I'm not one for complaining about the struggles life has throw my way ( and there are many of them).
Other problems I create myself. Im trying to change that. I don't know why I have been this way lately. I really don't. I've been challenging everyone around me. I started partying more, and slacking off in school a little bit.
The begining of this year, It was because of the craziness that had been thrown my way.
I know that, I know that I fell behind then because I was depressed.
What I don't know, is why I have stayed down. Sure my grades are going back up, and lots of good things keep happening, but I keep having this feeling, like its me against the world.
I'm taking it out on everyone, and doing things I shouldn't do.
The one bright spot, is that I have reconnected with my older sister, we have always had a rocky relationship ( ill explain sometime) but I love her dearly, and I find that everytime I see her we get closer and closer. I might finally have the chance to have a good relationship with her :-) and after all these years of fighting it is long over due.
I hurt my father today, by breaking his trust. We don't have much of a relationship, but I love him. No matter what I love him, and its killing me that I choose to do something to deliberately hurt him, and I don't know why.
This wasn't a sudden decision, it was a series of decisions that I choose to do, and I have to live with that.
My phone is being taken away, but ill be on the blog whenever I can get on the desk top.
As always know that I love each and everyone of you who read this, and that I am grateful that any of you are. Continue to look for posts, and follow me on twitter. I might not be able to follow back right away since my phone is MIA, but it is what it is.
Stay Strong, Smart, and Amazingly Beautiful as always,
And just know that whatever mistakes I make, or you make...were all in this together.
Xo Taylor.
I have this thing I do, where I make things so much worse before it can get better. You want examples? We'll me cleaning my room works, or my relationships with guys, or my family, or school. Yah I just make life more complicated. Some things are out of my control, but I'm not one for complaining about the struggles life has throw my way ( and there are many of them).
Other problems I create myself. Im trying to change that. I don't know why I have been this way lately. I really don't. I've been challenging everyone around me. I started partying more, and slacking off in school a little bit.
The begining of this year, It was because of the craziness that had been thrown my way.
I know that, I know that I fell behind then because I was depressed.
What I don't know, is why I have stayed down. Sure my grades are going back up, and lots of good things keep happening, but I keep having this feeling, like its me against the world.
I'm taking it out on everyone, and doing things I shouldn't do.
The one bright spot, is that I have reconnected with my older sister, we have always had a rocky relationship ( ill explain sometime) but I love her dearly, and I find that everytime I see her we get closer and closer. I might finally have the chance to have a good relationship with her :-) and after all these years of fighting it is long over due.
I hurt my father today, by breaking his trust. We don't have much of a relationship, but I love him. No matter what I love him, and its killing me that I choose to do something to deliberately hurt him, and I don't know why.
This wasn't a sudden decision, it was a series of decisions that I choose to do, and I have to live with that.
My phone is being taken away, but ill be on the blog whenever I can get on the desk top.
As always know that I love each and everyone of you who read this, and that I am grateful that any of you are. Continue to look for posts, and follow me on twitter. I might not be able to follow back right away since my phone is MIA, but it is what it is.
Stay Strong, Smart, and Amazingly Beautiful as always,
And just know that whatever mistakes I make, or you make...were all in this together.
Xo Taylor.
Monday, April 16, 2012
my ever evolving tastes: a new eyeliner obsession
Hey Beauties,
Anyone who knows me, knows that my tastes are always evolving. It can be food, or clothes, guys, and yes even makeup. I dont know why I am this way, its been this way since I was a little girl. Some things in life I view in extremes of "Black" and "White", while others are extensively varying shades of grey. What can I say, Im just weird like that :)
Im sure when It comes to makeup many of you do what I do. I can love a technique or a product one day and then absolutely hate it the next. A prime example of this would be eyeliner. In this past week alone, I have used gel liner/cream liner, pencils and liquid liner. In some cases, the look that you are trying to achive does change the type of eye liner that you can use. However, I feel that in my case at least, there is always a consistancy I favor at one time or another.
Right now Im loving liquid eyeliner. Its been a while since I have used a liquid eyeliner, for a long time I have liked the softer, smoked out and smudged look that could only be achived by a soft pencil, and im some cases a cream liner. Now? Ive fallen in love with a deep, dark, crisp dramatic line. This can only be achived by a liquid liner.
This transformation in my way of thinking, started when I picked up a new product a few months ago. While shopping at Macy's, spending money that I couldnt really afford to spend ( LOL), I saw one of the girls working the counter had this gorgeous blue sparkled liner on. I couldnt look away from her eyes! When I asked what she was wearing, she smiled brightly and pointed to the Stila display. There I found a selection of sparkly eyeliners that would change my world.
This liner was Stila's Sparkle Waterproof Eyeliner (In Electric):
This has become one of my favorite eyeliners and I have found a way to incorporate it into many color selections.
Today I went out and bought:
Anyone who knows me, knows that my tastes are always evolving. It can be food, or clothes, guys, and yes even makeup. I dont know why I am this way, its been this way since I was a little girl. Some things in life I view in extremes of "Black" and "White", while others are extensively varying shades of grey. What can I say, Im just weird like that :)
Im sure when It comes to makeup many of you do what I do. I can love a technique or a product one day and then absolutely hate it the next. A prime example of this would be eyeliner. In this past week alone, I have used gel liner/cream liner, pencils and liquid liner. In some cases, the look that you are trying to achive does change the type of eye liner that you can use. However, I feel that in my case at least, there is always a consistancy I favor at one time or another.
Right now Im loving liquid eyeliner. Its been a while since I have used a liquid eyeliner, for a long time I have liked the softer, smoked out and smudged look that could only be achived by a soft pencil, and im some cases a cream liner. Now? Ive fallen in love with a deep, dark, crisp dramatic line. This can only be achived by a liquid liner.
This transformation in my way of thinking, started when I picked up a new product a few months ago. While shopping at Macy's, spending money that I couldnt really afford to spend ( LOL), I saw one of the girls working the counter had this gorgeous blue sparkled liner on. I couldnt look away from her eyes! When I asked what she was wearing, she smiled brightly and pointed to the Stila display. There I found a selection of sparkly eyeliners that would change my world.
This liner was Stila's Sparkle Waterproof Eyeliner (In Electric):
Today I went out and bought:
Rimmel London's Exaggerate Bold Liquid Eyeliner ( In 100% Black)
Im loving how this applies, and the pigmentation is just "WOW". Ill see how I like it in the long run , then post a review.
Stay Strong, Stay Smart, Stay Beautiful,
XOXO Taylor
Saturday, April 14, 2012
wish list, we all have one, especially now!
Hey Beautiful Guys and Dolls,
I recently took a walk down the aisles of my local Cvs, a rare treat for me. See, I love Cvs, but they charge more for their products then any other drugstore, and the one near me closes at 9:00pm . I tend to go to Rite-Aid, because they are cheaper, I get 20% off with my rewards card, and they are open 24/7 ( which is good because im the only freak who likes to go shopping at 1 in the morning). This all will change soon, as our local diner was sold ( for a crazy amount of money- who knew land in Brooklyn was worth so much!) and they are now opening a really large Cvs ( and its open 24/7) . Someone around here finally got the message that we needed bigger and better drugstores, because they also built a gigantic Walgreens (directly across from the local Rite-Aid; I sense a competition about to brew).
The thing I love about Cvs is their selection of products, I know that when I walk into a specific drugstore, that I can find certain brands. Each drugstore is different, as im sure you all know. So from time to time, I walk into Cvs, and look for new products. This trip didn't disappoint.
I couldn't buy any of the products right now, but I am going back ASAP for some, and requesting birthday presents. Here is my wishlist, if you can buys these right now, I suggest you run, not walk to your local store.
Revlon Colorstay Long wear Nail Enamel in Sorbet (approximately- $9)
This is THE most beautiful orange color, I cant wait to use it this summer, Once I get this horrific gel off my nail( no just kidding I love gel manicures, but I haven't soaked it off yet and It has been 8 weeks- imagine how my nails look...yah not a pretty picture huh?)
Nailene Sensational Nail Starter Kit (approximately -$60)
Like I previously stated, I like having a gel manicure, the fact that this manicure has lasted 8 weeks, should be proof enough that they are worth the investment. However the price of a gel manicure, combined with upkeep, can drive any girl to madness. The solution? well I am hoping this kit will be the solution. It comes with a led lamp ( instead of the UV alternative, which seems better for my health in the long run) a primer, color, topcoat, and nail accessories. I am also interested in a variety of colors, some of which you can see in the lower half of the picture.
I am also Interested in the Revlon Super Lustrous Lip gloss( approximately- $9) in the colors Coral Reef, and Pink Pop.
I have had a love/hate relationship with these lip glosses for years. Many well known beauty bloggers and make-up gurus have stated that they loved these. So what did I do? I ran down to my local store, and bought them. I have always loved the formula, but still to this day hated the color selection, and the overly glittery gloss choices they had. This new collection has sparked my interest though. The color selection, is somewhat better, but what really stood out were these two colors. The Coral, and bright Pink seem the perfect shades, and there is no sparkle to be found, just a creamy ( hopefully highly pigmented) gloss. Im looking forward to picking these up.
The New York Color, In a New York Color Minute Quick Dry Polish, In the limited edition colors, lavender cupcake and mint macaroon.
I love these polishes, they have a great consistency, and dry in a timely manner. These are great for when you need to do you toes right before an event. ( I am known for painting my nails right before they go into a peep-toe.)
So there you have it, a sampling of the spring products I am lusting after.
Stay Strong, Stay Smart, and Stay Beautiful,
XOXO Taylor
I recently took a walk down the aisles of my local Cvs, a rare treat for me. See, I love Cvs, but they charge more for their products then any other drugstore, and the one near me closes at 9:00pm . I tend to go to Rite-Aid, because they are cheaper, I get 20% off with my rewards card, and they are open 24/7 ( which is good because im the only freak who likes to go shopping at 1 in the morning). This all will change soon, as our local diner was sold ( for a crazy amount of money- who knew land in Brooklyn was worth so much!) and they are now opening a really large Cvs ( and its open 24/7) . Someone around here finally got the message that we needed bigger and better drugstores, because they also built a gigantic Walgreens (directly across from the local Rite-Aid; I sense a competition about to brew).
The thing I love about Cvs is their selection of products, I know that when I walk into a specific drugstore, that I can find certain brands. Each drugstore is different, as im sure you all know. So from time to time, I walk into Cvs, and look for new products. This trip didn't disappoint.
I couldn't buy any of the products right now, but I am going back ASAP for some, and requesting birthday presents. Here is my wishlist, if you can buys these right now, I suggest you run, not walk to your local store.
This is THE most beautiful orange color, I cant wait to use it this summer, Once I get this horrific gel off my nail( no just kidding I love gel manicures, but I haven't soaked it off yet and It has been 8 weeks- imagine how my nails look...yah not a pretty picture huh?)
Like I previously stated, I like having a gel manicure, the fact that this manicure has lasted 8 weeks, should be proof enough that they are worth the investment. However the price of a gel manicure, combined with upkeep, can drive any girl to madness. The solution? well I am hoping this kit will be the solution. It comes with a led lamp ( instead of the UV alternative, which seems better for my health in the long run) a primer, color, topcoat, and nail accessories. I am also interested in a variety of colors, some of which you can see in the lower half of the picture.
I am also Interested in the Revlon Super Lustrous Lip gloss( approximately- $9) in the colors Coral Reef, and Pink Pop.
I have had a love/hate relationship with these lip glosses for years. Many well known beauty bloggers and make-up gurus have stated that they loved these. So what did I do? I ran down to my local store, and bought them. I have always loved the formula, but still to this day hated the color selection, and the overly glittery gloss choices they had. This new collection has sparked my interest though. The color selection, is somewhat better, but what really stood out were these two colors. The Coral, and bright Pink seem the perfect shades, and there is no sparkle to be found, just a creamy ( hopefully highly pigmented) gloss. Im looking forward to picking these up.
I love these polishes, they have a great consistency, and dry in a timely manner. These are great for when you need to do you toes right before an event. ( I am known for painting my nails right before they go into a peep-toe.)
So there you have it, a sampling of the spring products I am lusting after.
Stay Strong, Stay Smart, and Stay Beautiful,
XOXO Taylor
Friday, April 13, 2012
Im gaining a new name...a Confirmation name.
Hey Beauties,
Have you ever lost your way? Has life ever dealt you a curve ball and you don't know how to survive?
Well...welcome to my life, I'm sure many others can relate to that experience. There is much I can tell, but I think Im going to focus on the most recent blow.
Late October, a few days before Halloween, I received devastating news. A good friend of mine, Alex had passed away. If you have ever lost a friend or a loved one ( in my world they equate to the same) who was around, or the same age as you, then you know what I was feeling. If you haven't, Ill clue you in.
I was so angry at the world, I was angry at him, I was angry at myself. Through all this, I supported myself, and I tried to support everyone else around me. Its a hard job, and It is still a grieving process that I am going through. Above all else, this experience scared me. If someone who was my age could die, couldn't I? I wont expose intimate details, but it was one stupid choice, that lead to the death of Alex. Anyone of us could have made that choice, or one similar to it. I was rattled, I still am.
This isn't my first time around the rodeo, so to say. I have had my fair share of loses, and pain, and each one affected me differently. When I was younger, I was so consumed with the pain that had built up, that I punished myself and everyone around me, I hated god, and I turned away from him. I was still a spiritual person, but I convinced myself that there was no god. You can ask those around me, I have at least told one or two of those people, those exact same thoughts. I left church and my religious classes ( CCD) and went out on my own, I needed to find out what I believed, and who I was. many of my Questions have been answered, and when Alex passed away, another light was shed.
One of my best friends had turned away from me. She honestly believed that I couldn't possibly be feeling a loss for Alex, because her loss was supposedly greater than mine. Granted she knew him better than I did, but that just didn't feel right.It is not my place to say if that was correct or not. However, she broke my heart the day she turned around and told me publicly that I was using Alex's death for attention. I think apart of me died that day. This was a girl I would and still, do anything for, I have always been a shoulder for her to cry on. I didn't understand how she could do this to me. Those around me told me " Everyone must grieve in their own way" This didn't make sense to me, but I accepted it as truth.
A few days before this happened, and I lost a dear friend of mine ( we would not speak to each other for about 8 weeks.) was my friends funeral. I had never before, been compelled to walk into church, I usually went to a wake, to pay my respects, and that would be that. However, I couldn't do that this time, every time I thought about walking away, I wanted to cry. I needed to see this through to the end. While at his funeral mass, I prayed hard. I prayed for the first time In 8 years, I said psalms for the first time in 8 years, I knelt on the ground and bowed my head and lit a candle for the first time in 8 years. At some point during mass, I think it was before Holy Communion, I looked up, and I told myself that something was missing. I didn't feel like I belonged. When I was younger, even when I was doubting my faith, I always felt like I belonged, Why was this time different? Then it hit me, everyone around me had been Confirmed. I hadn't, that made me different. I knew what I needed to do.
I started RCIA classes, which would make me eligible for Confirmation. I am still currently going through this process. I wont say that I completely agree with the concept of organized religion, or even everything the Catholic Church sets forward as a standard for our way of living, but I can stand in front of church a month from now and claim that I believe In the basic principles that make up the catholic faith. I combine these practices with those of my Native American background, and I feel whole. I feel like I know who I am again. Im not a 100% there, but Im on my way, and a whole lot closer then I was before.
Those in my peer group, turned to a local memorial and Alex's Facebook page for support and guidance. I turned to god. Many who have known me throughout all these years laugh at my new found faith, and I don't blame them. I would have laughed at myself a few years ago too. I have prayed, and continue to pray for God and at many times, I even talk to Alex. I feel like they both can hear me, and they want what is best for all of us. Even when I was mad at my best friend who deserted me, I prayed for her. I prayed she would get better and a little bit stronger everyday, I still do. As I watch her progress and get better, It confirms my faith in God. I can remember specific days over the last few months, when I just cried because I had been overcome with joy. The day she apologized for hurting me, the first day we were able to sit down and talk about him, without me feeling like she was going to slap me in the face, the day she recognized what she hadn't the first time she apologized; she hurt me. As well as the day that I told her, what I am about to tell you, and she accepted it with so much grace, that I knew we would both be OK, and our friendship would survive this,(it has, and gets stronger everyday) I think Alex saved me.
I know 100% that God had a plan for all this, Do I wish that it didn't involve his death? Of course I do, but I know that if this hadn't happened, I wouldn't have been reached, and I couldn't have helped myself or anyone else by being in the state I was in.
May 27Th, I will stand in front of my parish and I will say "I DO" to every question they ask me, I will Confirm my faith, and I will continue to strengthen myself.
I know that this blog post is very personal, but now that I am on my own, I will be sharing information like this, because I can, without feeling weird.
Below are some choices of dresses I was considering wearing, we have to wear white, which I wanted to do anyway:
This beautiful cream dress form Zara:
http://www1.macys.com/shop/product/american-rag-dress-short-sleeve-belted-lace?ID=647553&CategoryID=18109&LinkType=#fn=COLOR%3DWhite%26DRESS_STYLE%3DA Line%26sp%3D1%26spc%3D14%26ruleId%3D2%26slotId%3D
Have you ever lost your way? Has life ever dealt you a curve ball and you don't know how to survive?
Well...welcome to my life, I'm sure many others can relate to that experience. There is much I can tell, but I think Im going to focus on the most recent blow.
Late October, a few days before Halloween, I received devastating news. A good friend of mine, Alex had passed away. If you have ever lost a friend or a loved one ( in my world they equate to the same) who was around, or the same age as you, then you know what I was feeling. If you haven't, Ill clue you in.
I was so angry at the world, I was angry at him, I was angry at myself. Through all this, I supported myself, and I tried to support everyone else around me. Its a hard job, and It is still a grieving process that I am going through. Above all else, this experience scared me. If someone who was my age could die, couldn't I? I wont expose intimate details, but it was one stupid choice, that lead to the death of Alex. Anyone of us could have made that choice, or one similar to it. I was rattled, I still am.
This isn't my first time around the rodeo, so to say. I have had my fair share of loses, and pain, and each one affected me differently. When I was younger, I was so consumed with the pain that had built up, that I punished myself and everyone around me, I hated god, and I turned away from him. I was still a spiritual person, but I convinced myself that there was no god. You can ask those around me, I have at least told one or two of those people, those exact same thoughts. I left church and my religious classes ( CCD) and went out on my own, I needed to find out what I believed, and who I was. many of my Questions have been answered, and when Alex passed away, another light was shed.
One of my best friends had turned away from me. She honestly believed that I couldn't possibly be feeling a loss for Alex, because her loss was supposedly greater than mine. Granted she knew him better than I did, but that just didn't feel right.It is not my place to say if that was correct or not. However, she broke my heart the day she turned around and told me publicly that I was using Alex's death for attention. I think apart of me died that day. This was a girl I would and still, do anything for, I have always been a shoulder for her to cry on. I didn't understand how she could do this to me. Those around me told me " Everyone must grieve in their own way" This didn't make sense to me, but I accepted it as truth.
A few days before this happened, and I lost a dear friend of mine ( we would not speak to each other for about 8 weeks.) was my friends funeral. I had never before, been compelled to walk into church, I usually went to a wake, to pay my respects, and that would be that. However, I couldn't do that this time, every time I thought about walking away, I wanted to cry. I needed to see this through to the end. While at his funeral mass, I prayed hard. I prayed for the first time In 8 years, I said psalms for the first time in 8 years, I knelt on the ground and bowed my head and lit a candle for the first time in 8 years. At some point during mass, I think it was before Holy Communion, I looked up, and I told myself that something was missing. I didn't feel like I belonged. When I was younger, even when I was doubting my faith, I always felt like I belonged, Why was this time different? Then it hit me, everyone around me had been Confirmed. I hadn't, that made me different. I knew what I needed to do.
I started RCIA classes, which would make me eligible for Confirmation. I am still currently going through this process. I wont say that I completely agree with the concept of organized religion, or even everything the Catholic Church sets forward as a standard for our way of living, but I can stand in front of church a month from now and claim that I believe In the basic principles that make up the catholic faith. I combine these practices with those of my Native American background, and I feel whole. I feel like I know who I am again. Im not a 100% there, but Im on my way, and a whole lot closer then I was before.
Those in my peer group, turned to a local memorial and Alex's Facebook page for support and guidance. I turned to god. Many who have known me throughout all these years laugh at my new found faith, and I don't blame them. I would have laughed at myself a few years ago too. I have prayed, and continue to pray for God and at many times, I even talk to Alex. I feel like they both can hear me, and they want what is best for all of us. Even when I was mad at my best friend who deserted me, I prayed for her. I prayed she would get better and a little bit stronger everyday, I still do. As I watch her progress and get better, It confirms my faith in God. I can remember specific days over the last few months, when I just cried because I had been overcome with joy. The day she apologized for hurting me, the first day we were able to sit down and talk about him, without me feeling like she was going to slap me in the face, the day she recognized what she hadn't the first time she apologized; she hurt me. As well as the day that I told her, what I am about to tell you, and she accepted it with so much grace, that I knew we would both be OK, and our friendship would survive this,(it has, and gets stronger everyday) I think Alex saved me.
I know 100% that God had a plan for all this, Do I wish that it didn't involve his death? Of course I do, but I know that if this hadn't happened, I wouldn't have been reached, and I couldn't have helped myself or anyone else by being in the state I was in.
May 27Th, I will stand in front of my parish and I will say "I DO" to every question they ask me, I will Confirm my faith, and I will continue to strengthen myself.
I know that this blog post is very personal, but now that I am on my own, I will be sharing information like this, because I can, without feeling weird.
Below are some choices of dresses I was considering wearing, we have to wear white, which I wanted to do anyway:
This beautiful cream dress form Zara:
The links below are for dresses that can be found at Macy's, I haven't decided what Im wearing yet, If anyone wants, they can help me make that choice.
http://www1.macys.com/shop/product/trixxi-dress-sleeveless-embroidered-eyelet-a-line?ID=658575&CategoryID=18109&LinkType=#fn=COLOR%3DWhite%26DRESS_STYLE%3DA Line%26sp%3D1%26spc%3D14%26ruleId%3D2%26slotId%3Dhttp://www1.macys.com/shop/product/american-rag-dress-short-sleeve-belted-lace?ID=647553&CategoryID=18109&LinkType=#fn=COLOR%3DWhite%26DRESS_STYLE%3DA Line%26sp%3D1%26spc%3D14%26ruleId%3D2%26slotId%3D
Thursday, April 12, 2012
A Change of Scenery...
Hello Beauties,
You might have noticed, that this blog looks a bit different...and the URL isn't the same. Well before you freak out ( No, no one hijacked our blog...why would you ever think that?), I have a simple explanation. Rose has asked for us to separate, and I said yes ( after flipping out and throwing my phone...yes... she text me, that's right up there with the break up post-it ). See, we started the previous blog together, and I thought that was what made us unique and special, among all the crazy, beautiful, fashion forward girls on the web, I thought that was going to be the key to our success. Ill never know the answer to that, because an hour or so ago we split. I would be lying to say, that I'm not a bit hurt that she ended our partnership, just as I was coming back into the fold, but I cant change one simple fact: and that is, while I was gone, Rose liked blogging by herself. As her FRIEND, no one of her BEST FRIENDS, I need to support that, even when I'm furious. Friends support friends; Just like, when a few hours ago I took my friends phone from her as she was about to drunk text and dial ( friends DO NOT let friends drunk text or dial, remember that), I need to look out for Rose, so please go check out her future blog, follow her on Twitter, stalk her on YouTube, because I love her and wish her the best...and now here starts my lonely existence as a solo blogger. Wish me luck? better yet, stay in touch...
I hope you continue to follow me through my crazy Makeup, Fashion, and just everyday Life Journey.
Stay Strong, Stay Smart, Stay Beautiful,
Xoxo Taylor
You might have noticed, that this blog looks a bit different...and the URL isn't the same. Well before you freak out ( No, no one hijacked our blog...why would you ever think that?), I have a simple explanation. Rose has asked for us to separate, and I said yes ( after flipping out and throwing my phone...yes... she text me, that's right up there with the break up post-it ). See, we started the previous blog together, and I thought that was what made us unique and special, among all the crazy, beautiful, fashion forward girls on the web, I thought that was going to be the key to our success. Ill never know the answer to that, because an hour or so ago we split. I would be lying to say, that I'm not a bit hurt that she ended our partnership, just as I was coming back into the fold, but I cant change one simple fact: and that is, while I was gone, Rose liked blogging by herself. As her FRIEND, no one of her BEST FRIENDS, I need to support that, even when I'm furious. Friends support friends; Just like, when a few hours ago I took my friends phone from her as she was about to drunk text and dial ( friends DO NOT let friends drunk text or dial, remember that), I need to look out for Rose, so please go check out her future blog, follow her on Twitter, stalk her on YouTube, because I love her and wish her the best...and now here starts my lonely existence as a solo blogger. Wish me luck? better yet, stay in touch...
I hope you continue to follow me through my crazy Makeup, Fashion, and just everyday Life Journey.
Stay Strong, Stay Smart, Stay Beautiful,
Xoxo Taylor
Travel Much?
Hey Beauties!
Recently I have had the opportunity to travel overseas, and the experience was phenomenal.
I traveled to Rome, Paris and London.
In honor of this, I would like to talk about how I packed my makeup for overseas travel.
The Makeup High and Low points in order:
Day one : preparing to travel
Im the girl who pack and packs and packs to the point of over packing, then I take things out and then put them back...this process repeats several times before I am statisfied with what I packed. I packed everything that I thought I would use, and then a little extra.
What I used:
The first day, I wore my BB creme and set it with my bareminerals matte foundation, then I used my bad to the bronze tattoo eyeshadow, and my taupe liner from physicians formula.
The verdict:
It held up pretty well, better then foundation would have, but after a 7 hour plane ride, and 4 hours in heathrow, I was itching to wash my face. However we were touring all day so, I used makeup wipes on my face, left my eyes alone and reapplied my BB creme.
Day 2:
This was the first and only day, that I was able to complete my whole makeup routine. I dont remember the products used, but I did a full face of foundation, highlight, bronzer, eyeshadow, liner, mascara, and lipstick/gloss.
Days 3 through 7:
Days 8,9,and 10.
The last three days, were spent in Rome, where my routine stayed the same, I had finally figured out timing and what products worked for me. I was so sleep deprived at this point it was scarey, but being a theater major, you get used to not sleeping. My foundation routine was lighter though, because in Rome, the seasons were changing, it was hotter there, and so heavy makeup just wouldn't do.
The picture above was taken on the terrace in our villa, it is private. The villa was just beautiful, and this was winter;I can only imagine how the summer looks! This was the last day before we left. We had a full day of touring, and then we were heading home. Unfortunately due to a turn of events, we were delayed. The workers for the airline we were using went on strike and so we were delayed an extra day.
The above and below picture were taken the day before I left, this is an indicator of my everyday makeup routine. As you can see one picture is in color the other in black and white. This is 2 in the morning or so, so forgive me if it seems less than perfect.
pictures coming soon :-)
More on traveling, and other beautiful finds in both the makeup department and everyday life, coming soon :-)
When you wish upon a star...
Hey Beautiful,
Have you ever had a moment in your life, where you sit back and go "OMG I cant believe that just happened!"
You may ask what is so amazing, so stupendous, that an adverage girl like me, cant possibly contain their joy? Well ill tell you silly! Tonight I had a full conversation with one of the most influential beauty gurus on You Tube. If. you have been in the beauty community for any length of time, then Im sure you have come across the beautiful Natneagle.
Im going to get a little personal here:
In 6th grade, i was searching for looks to do, things I could use my MAC shadows I accumulated over the course of my years of competition dancing, and the first three people i stumbled upon where Siryvina, Panecea81 and Natneagle. So maybe she wasn't the first guru I came across , but the same day I started my first youtube account, with the lamest name, and watched endless hours of videos.
Ill tell you more on the ups and downs of my "Beauty" life, in a video (its easier), so thats all you get for now...good things come to those who wait :-)
But over the years, I have had a few conversations with her, a few comments exchanged in inbox's or replies to tweets. These kept me going when I needed a boost, a break from life, motivation to keep going, lose weight, or just a way to watch more hauls and give myself an excuse to buy makeup.
Now I am sitting here and she is following me on instagram and talking to me on Twitter? Someone pinch me, I think im dreaming!
Moral of this story? Twitter Rocks! :p
Stay Beautiful, Smart, and Strong
xoxo Taylor
Posted via BlogPost
Now I am sitting here and she is following me on instagram and talking to me on Twitter? Someone pinch me, I think im dreaming!
Moral of this story? Twitter Rocks! :p
Stay Beautiful, Smart, and Strong
xoxo Taylor
Posted via BlogPost
Hello's and I'm Sorry 's
Hey Beauties,
I cant begin to say how shocked I am that I have been gone this long, what can I say?
Im a girl that's been in demand, thankfully Miss Rose has stepped up to the plate, and kept this ship from sinking.
Ive been so busy that we haven't even had time to see each other ( that's her fault too! lol), but, looking back on the past few months there are a lot of things I wish I could change, I wish I could go back and hold my hand through the tough times, the busy times, the scary times...but I am human, and were not perfect.
I only hope to go on an Upward spiral from here...
I pinkie promise :)
Stay Smart, Stay Strong, Stay Beautiful,
-Taylor
MIA
Hey Beauties,
I know I have been MIA, but I'm choreographing a show and it takes up my waking hours. I noticed that my partner in crime posted about her scunci hair ties, and yesterday I bought them. I love them! Roses hair is on the thin side so I can see why it gets caught more, but I have thick, brown, crazy dominican curls. I dance everyday for an hour in school and then 2 hours Monday after school and an hour sat after school. I usually have to keep fixing my hair during classes...not the case with these wonderful hair bands. Now to be fair I can also use a rubber band depending on the type, with minimal pain or hair pulling,so I guess it does depend on your hair type and pain tolerance. For me the fact that it holds my hair all day, and the bands don't give out make these a must have. So all I have to say is, rose can I have yours?
Stay beautiful<3
-Tay
I know I have been MIA, but I'm choreographing a show and it takes up my waking hours. I noticed that my partner in crime posted about her scunci hair ties, and yesterday I bought them. I love them! Roses hair is on the thin side so I can see why it gets caught more, but I have thick, brown, crazy dominican curls. I dance everyday for an hour in school and then 2 hours Monday after school and an hour sat after school. I usually have to keep fixing my hair during classes...not the case with these wonderful hair bands. Now to be fair I can also use a rubber band depending on the type, with minimal pain or hair pulling,so I guess it does depend on your hair type and pain tolerance. For me the fact that it holds my hair all day, and the bands don't give out make these a must have. So all I have to say is, rose can I have yours?
Stay beautiful<3
-Tay
Nails My New Addiction
Hey beauties,
So, do you go through phases? love lip gloss for a few weeks and then you hate it and vow to switch to lipstick,only to then decide that lip gloss is your long-lost sister a few months later? Yeah i have been there...over and over and over again. I have come to realize that i will forever go through beauty phases and I'm OK with that. My skin changes a lot, i go from oily to combination to dry. I think that's why i go through my beauty phases, because what works for me one month may not work the next. But enough about me ( i tend to ramble). Bottom line is.....I AM NOW ADDICTED TO PAINTING MY NAILS. Ok so I'm sure a lot of it is in my head, and I'm dramatizing quite a bit...but for whatever reason (prob. because it relaxes me, and I'm stressed all the time, combined with the fact that i took off my fake nails and can finally paint them, plus i have to use a strengthener anyway to grow them out.)
A. show and review a beautiful nail polish and B. the really cool fast drying drops that i got, lets start with "A"
<------Nail Polish: So the other day on amazon i noticed that there was a lot of OPI nail polish, and then with more detailed investigation i found them SUPER cheap. Bottom line : 2 polishes for 14$, and that's including shipping! so I'm sure you can imagine how excited i was, but i was even more excited when the polish arrived yesterday. I ripped the package open and then after an impromptu CVS haul, me and rose painted our nails on my living room floor.( we were "babysitting") The color(its my year) is beautiful, in the bottle and out of it. It sparkles and shines with a purple base and gold glitter.Opi polishes wear the best and dont chip for at least a week
you get a chance pick it up! Now on to "B": Fast Dry Drops ------------>
Ok so i hate waiting for my nails to dry when I'm home they take a good half hour or more. These drops really did help alot. They dried my nails 2x faster. A great investment in your nail polish draw!
well that's it beauties!
Stay Beautiful,
-Tay
Back To School :)
Hey Beauties,
So I was thinking about back to school. I know its that time of year most people hate...but I LOVE! I love back to school time because its the time of year you get to become a whole new you. You didn't like your hair last year? Do something about it now! Needed to update your personal style? Well there is never a better time to do it! I personally always try to show up 10 lbs lighter, with a killer outfit, and drop dead shoes..and then of course there is the beauty regimen. Now what makeup I wear to school depends on how much sleep I got the night before. Sometimes I would rather sleep an extra 30 min. That's why I always carry a makeup bag in my school bag. So even if I have to wait till a free period ,I have the option of putting on makeup when I don't already have it on in the morning. So what do you keep in there? That's up to you darling. I keep stuff in there that can take me from day time pretty to night time dramatic ( hey you never know what the day can bring!) Here are a little products to get you started:
Face: bare minerals matte foundation, vs bronzer in sun goddess, blush and all the brushes needed ( I have 1 brush I use for all)
Eyes: primer ( udpp, concealer, foundation, cream shadow..just something to keep your shadow sticking.) I use Revlon age defying concealer, stila eye shadows in seashell and Burgundy. I also keep vs mineral shadow in coco in there. Then a mascara and primer duo ( my current lash obsession: double extend lash boosting mascara from Loreal and covergirls lash blast fusion. The double extend has a primer attached to it.) And don't forget your eyeliner! I use mac fluidline in backtrack and keep and color eyeliner ( stila waterproof sparkle liner in electric) too. Remember those brushes!
Lips: lipglossssssssss! School is rarely the place for lipstick, I have been known to wear it at times but on a daily basis its lip gloss all the way. I keep a plumping pink, a basic pink, a conditioning gloss, and a pluming nude in my bag at all times.
My faves: lipfusion infatuation lipgloss in angelic
Mac lipglass in nympette
Vs beauty rush gloss in pina chilllada
And Maybelline lip plumper in a nude color.
I also keep scope breath mist and proactives advanced blemish treatment in there with some floss picks and a file.
Sound like too much? Maybe...but I would rather be over prepared then not prepared at all.
Use this for ideas for your own makeup bag...and remember you don't need to pack as much as me :-D
Stay Beautiful,
-Tay
Lions and Tigers and Lashes OH MY!
Hey Beauties,
So I don't know about you, but I'm into bold, black, full, long, and full lashes. Now my natural lashes are nice, but they don't give that WOW fator. When I walk in the room I want you to see my lashes before you see me (lol)! But finding the right products to use can be a challange. I find that I have an ever changing rotation of mascaras. I never just settle on one kind. And I like to pair them up too. So while what works for me may not always for for you here are some tips that can help:
So I don't know about you, but I'm into bold, black, full, long, and full lashes. Now my natural lashes are nice, but they don't give that WOW fator. When I walk in the room I want you to see my lashes before you see me (lol)! But finding the right products to use can be a challange. I find that I have an ever changing rotation of mascaras. I never just settle on one kind. And I like to pair them up too. So while what works for me may not always for for you here are some tips that can help:
Step 1: they can be cheap, they can be expensive, they can be attached to other mascaras, but they are the one thing you should never be without. Find a primer that you like and use it, use it, use it. Primers not only help make your lashes fuller and longer but they help make your mascara the richest color it can be. Which is the whole point of mascara right?
Step 2: find a mascara that you like, and use it. Don't be afraid to try a lot of mascaras or to try a new one if you already have one you like. I also like to mix up mascaras, and use more the one.
When applying your mascara apply in a zig-zag motion, and make sure you fan all your lashes out instead of pushing them in a specific direction, that way they are full ( kinda like false lashes...that's the look I go for)
Step 3: if you have any clumps comb thru your lashes
Below are the pictures of the primers I use and my mascaras of the moment.
Stay Beautiful,
-Tay
-Tay
when Hairy met Sally :X
Hello Beauties,
So we have all been there... your on your way to school and for once everything went smoothly that morning. You expertly applied your make-up, and your feeling GOOD. You look in the mirror on the bus as your leaving and what do you see looking back at you? Your untamed, ungroomed brows. It happens to the best of us, that when we aren't looking our brows have a mind of there own. I think eyebrows are one of the most important features on your face. When i was little i used to tell everyone " we would all look so much better without eyebrows!"...and then i learned to shape them up and they became my new best friends. As best friends go, my brows are really high-maintenance. I learned over a few years time how best to handle them. The plan of attack being regular waxes every two months and plucking stray hairs on a daily basis...so that way there is no surprises ( like the one mentioned above). Unfortunately, finding a tweezer that i like has been a frustrating battle. You have to kiss alot of frogs till you find your prince...and use a lot of tweezers till you meet your match. I used to use my mini tweezermans...but they are just so expensive, and sending them in to be shappened ment not having it for a length of time. I wanted something cheap, that worked...and so good that i could buy a ton of them. Im glad to see that you sometimes get what you wish for. Sally Hansen tools are wonderful, and there line of tweezers are just amazing. I started out with "Easy Tweezy"...liked but didnt love it. Then i got "Raise some brows" Which worked so good i just was amazed everytime i used it. Now im trying to buy every tweezer in the line. My latest addition being "little details" i suggest you RUN..dont walk to your nearest computer/ drugstore and find out first hand why i love them. The best part? They come with little safety caps that make them perfect for travel.
Stay Beautiful <3
-Tay
wash your way to a better body
:-)
Stay Beautiful,
-Tay
-Tay
To embrace or not to embrace...that is a serious question
Hello Beauties,
So i was walking down the halls of my local rite-aid when i stopped to pick up a refill pack for my Venus embrace rfazor. I balked at the prices...15$ for a pack of four cartridges. I didn't want to pay that money, but no other razor works that well. Now i don't know about you ladies, but having sexy,smooth legs is a big thing for me. I don't just shave during the summer...i shave year round. Why? well I'm a dancer and an actress and hairy legs just don't fly in those communities. More often then not, we wear as little clothing as possible while still being socially acceptable. Now i tried the other generic brands and i absolutely hated them. So just as i was about to admit defeat i saw the "Rite-aid Renewal" version. I took it down off the shelf and looked. The heads looked more similar than any other look-alike i found and they claimed that the blades were ceramic coated and that the heads had moisture strips like the embrace. The starting price for a Razor, and holster, and a refill was 6$...the embrace starter kit was 12$. Then i looked and saw a pack of 5 cartridges retailed for 8$. If this worked then i would be saving so much money in the long run. the shave was so close, and the blades glided smoothly across my skin. I think im in love. The only down- side? The head of this razor is a bit thicker..i like how the embrace sits closer to my skin. However for the price, you just won't find a razor that good anywhere.
Stay Beautiful,
-Tay
Old Hello, From Previous Blog
Hello Beauties,
As my partner and crime has recently posted...i felt compelled to do the same. My name is Taylor, I wont take time to explain everything about me...good things come to those who wait :-) but i will say that i am a makeup junkie. As with all addictions the habit is hard to kick, so we decided that while we are having fun with all these beauty goodies ( sometimes, its not so much fun...and bad reviews will occur) that we would help bring light to all the things we know about hair, makeup, and other interesting cultural tid-bits. Life is confusing enough, beauty doesn't need to be too.
Stay Beautiful <3
- Tay
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